One year ago today! =(

A year ago today is the day my dad passed away and my world was turned upside down!!!!! It is still SOOOOOOO difficult. I miss him so much . Some days are good and others aren’t. Some days I only think about him a few times and don’t cry others I think about him all day and cry like a baby, today is the day I have been crying like a baby. Every time I think okay I am fine I start crying again.... It doesn’t make it any better that EVERYDAY I have to drive by the cemetery. I still go by the cemetery alot and can only stay for a minute b/c I get so upset. Countless times in one’s life he or she may have regrets. Whether it’s something they did or didn’t do. In any case, when a situation reoccurs you either learn from your mistakes or you don’t. Personally, and unfortunately, I have made many mistakes that I regret. Some of those errors hurt me and some hurt others. What haunts me now days, are all the regrets I have about what I didn’t do with my dad. I know I can’t change anything in the past, but it is extremely difficult NOT to ponder the “what if’s” and “why’s”. I still have so many questions that are unanswered and I know that they will never get answered until I see him again. I can only try to keep thinking positive and tell myself he is in a much better place and that he is not in ANY pain and that he has no more cancer..... I only wish that he had no more cancer and that he was still here with us. Colby needs his Pop, and I really need my dad. I need him to be here to tell me everything is going to be fine, for him to tell me how proud he is of me and Chris, My gosh I wish he was still here for me to just see his beautiful blue eyes and see that beautiful smile he had. For him to watch Colby grow into a wonderful boy that he is growing into, to really see him play Soccer and see him play Basketball and for him to see my baby sister grow up go to college and one day get married and have kids of her own and to give her the guidance she needs. I don’t even know what to say other than I am left with a hole in my heart that will remain empty and that no one can ever fill. I MISS YOU & LOVE YOU DADDY!!